kiran’s pensieve

Came across this by Emo Phillips

I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. So I ran over and said “Stop! don’t do it!” “Why shouldn’t I?” he said. I said, “Well, there’s so much to live for!” He said, “Like what?” I said, “Well…are you religious or atheist?” He said, “Religious.” I said, “Me too! Are you Christian or Buddhist?” He said, “Christian.” I said, “Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?” He said, “Protestant.” I said, “Me too! Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?” He said, “Baptist!” I said,”Wow! Me too! Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord?” He said, “Baptist Church of God!” I said, “Me too! Are you original Baptist Church of God, or are you reformed Baptist Church of God?” He said,”Reformed Baptist Church of God!” I said, “Me too! Are you reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1879, or reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915?” He said, “Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915!” I said, “Die, heretic scum”, and pushed him off.

I love surrealism.

I stumbled across this little brain candy in Wired.com’s archives.

One of my favourites:

TIME MACHINE REACHES FUTURE!!! … nobody there …
- Harry Harrison

“There is a time to let things happen, and a time to make things happen.”
–Emerson

“Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get.”
–Dale Carnegie

“Talent hits a target no one else can hit; Genius hits a target no one else can see.”
–Arthur Schopenhauer

“Different is not necessarily better but better is always different.”
–Hugh Lendrum

“You often meet your destiny on the road you’ve taken to avoid it.”

“Imagination is the beginning of creation. You imagine what you desire, you will what you imagine and at last you create what you will.”
–George Bernard Shaw

“Don’t believe everything you think.”

“It is not the strongest of the species who survive, not the most intelligent, but those who are the most adaptive to change.”
–Charles Darwin

“We can have peace if we let go of wanting to change the past and wanting to control the future.”
–Lester Levinson

“Tell me and I’ll forget. Show me and I’ll remember. Involve me and I’ll understand.”
–Confucius

“Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man’s character, give him power.”
–Abraham Lincoln

“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.”
–Carl Jung

“Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams, who looks inside awakes.”
–Carl Jung

“Wisdom is knowing what path to take next… Integrity is taking it.”

“Carefully watch your THOUGHTS, for they become your WORDS. Manage and watch your WORDS, for they will become your ACTIONS. Consider and judge your ACTIONS, for they have become your HABITS. Acknowledge and watch your HABITS, for they shall become your VALUES. Understand and embrace your VALUES, for they become YOUR DESTINY.”
–Mahatma Gandhi

“Criticism is something we can avoid easily — by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing.”
–Aristotle

“Destiny is not a matter of chance, it is a matter of choice. It is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved.”
–William Jennings Bryan

“When I despair, I remember that all through history, the way of truth and love has always won. There have been tyrants and murderers, and for a time they seem invincible, but in the end, they always fall. Think of it, always.”
–Mahatma Gandhi

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”
–Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Whenever you find you are on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.”
–Mark Twain

“We do not see things as they are. We see them as we are.”

“It’s easier to fight for one’s principles than to live up to them.”
–Adler

“The greatest deception men suffer is from their own opinions.”
–Leonardo da Vinci

“When we are no longer able to change a situation… we are challenged to change ourselves.”
–Victor Frankl

“There is only one thing more painful than learning from experience and that is not learning from experience.”
–Archibald McLeish

“Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Willing is not enough; we must do.”
–Johann von Goethe

“You don’t get in life what you want. You get what you are.”
–Les Brown

“Anything in life that we don’t accept will simply make trouble for us until we make peace with it.”
–Shakti Gawain

“If you think that education is expensive, try ignorance.”
–Derek Botz

“He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask remains a fools for life.”
–Chinese proverb

“Opinions founded on prejudice are always defended with the greatest violence.”

“History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely only after they have exhausted all other alternatives.”
–Abba Eban

“A nation that values it’s privileges above its principles soon loses both.”
–Eisenhower

“Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.”
–Euripedes

“What luck for the rulers that men do not think.”
–Adolph Hitler

“Those who make peaceful reform impossible will make violent revolution inevitable.”
–J. F. Kennedy

“Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.”
–Martin Luther King

“It’s never too late to be what you might have been.”
–George Elliot

“If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.”
–Mark Twain

“The deepest longing in the human breast is the desire for appreciation.”
–William James

“Intuition is not contrary to reason, but outside the province of reason.”
–Carl Jung

“Life is a daring adventure or it is nothing at all.”
–Helen Keller

“Happiness is good health and a bad memory.”
-Ingrid Bergman

“Youth is the gift of nature, but age is the work of art.”
-Garson Kanin

“Lead me not into temptation; I can find it myself.”
-Unknown

“Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.”
-Groucho Marx

“Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.”
-Mark Twain

“Blessed is the person who is too busy to worry in the daytime and too sleepy to worry at night.”
-Unknown

“Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.”
-Unknown

“We are all born naked and screaming and if you’re lucky that sort of thing won’t stop there.”
-Unknown

“You were born an original. Don’t die a copy.”
-John Mason

“There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it.”
-Edith Wharton