I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. So I ran over and said “Stop! don’t do it!”

“Why shouldn’t I?” he said.

I said, “Well, there’s so much to live for!”

He said, “Like what?”

I said, “Well…are you reli­gious or atheist?”

He said, “Religious.”

I said, “Me too! Are you Christian or Buddhist?”

He said, “Christian.”

I said, “Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?”

He said, “Protestant.”

I said, “Me too! Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?”

He said, “Baptist!”

I said,”Wow! Me too! Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord?”

He said, “Baptist Church of God!”

I said, “Me too! Are you orig­inal Baptist Church of God, or are you reformed Baptist Church of God?”

He said,”Reformed Baptist Church of God!”

I said, “Me too! Are you reformed Baptist Church of God, ref­or­ma­tion of 1879, or reformed Baptist Church of God, ref­or­ma­tion of 1915?”

He said, “Reformed Baptist Church of God, ref­or­ma­tion of 1915!”

I said, “Die, heretic scum”, and pushed him off.

By Emo Phillips